Dance Moms 8×06 was the new ALDC’s first chance to prove that the moms’ constant whining about Brady Farrar’s (supposedly undeserved) special attention was actually deserved. Rather than embrace the opportunity to shine, though, the remaining team members…Well. Full spoilers: They didn’t do so well.
Joanne and Gianina Paolantonio had the same conceited reaction to a jazz solo as they did earlier this season (because that worked out so well for them before); and while Abby Lee Miller was busy trying to put that fire out, there was also the problem of Lilliana Ketchman’s rocky start to the season. Rounding out the featured roles for Dance Moms 8×06, Sarah Georgiana had her first shot at a solo.
Did Sarah crack under pressure? Did Lilly? And can the ALDC hack it without Brady Farrar? Check out our Dance Moms 8×06 recap to find out!
technical difficulties on our end cake-throwing good times and a farewell to Brady Farrar, it was back to business for the ALDC—but not before everyone made it known that they were feeling the loss of Dance Moms season 8’s most-featured dancer (so far). Savannah Kristich said that she was going to miss Brady’s friendship and his dancing, but she was hoping less Brady would mean more of Abby’s attention.
Abby, however, was still focused on three things: Brady, Brady…and…Brady.
Brady’s not here anymore. You know, you girls are going to have to start picking up the slack.
No, really. Rewatch Dance Moms 8×06. Drink—if you’re of age, have a cookie if you’re not—every time Abby Lee Miller brings up the absent Brady Farrar. You’re welcome.
Well, you all got your wish. Brady’s not here anymore.
(Let the record show that this was not my wish.)
Our second-favorite adopted daughter, Lilliana Ketchman, was on the bottom of the pyramid in Dance Moms 8×06. Once again, Abby had to bring up some pretty big mistakes in the previous week’s group dance. For her part, Lilly at least agreed that she should have done better. Up next, Hannah Colin received a lecture for her completely unacceptable seventh place finish. When given the chance, Hannah had nothing to say for herself (not surprising); and her mom, Ann, had a lot to say (even less surprising). At one point, Ann Colin even made the mistake of trying to talk to the Abby Lee Miller about what she should and shouldn’t be doing, morals-wise, as an educator.
Nobody needed to continue watching to know how Abby took that.
Rounding out the bottom row were Sarah Georgiana and Savannah Kristich, who had potential—just possibly not enough for outside of Pittsburgh—and “pulled focus but in a good way,” respectively.
Pressley Hosbach was all by herself on the second row because she was “clean, beautiful, [and] did a nice job.”
And Gianina Paolantonio took the top of the pyramid. Probably because Broadway or something.
Before setting foot in the studio, Joanne wanted Gianina to know that Abby wasn’t going to “go rolling up in” the dance studio (a dig on her need for a wheelchair? Low even for this show) to take away from her super-perfect daughter’s big win the previous week.
But, well. That’s exactly what Abby did. Obviously. Joanne, however, came prepared with receipts to prove that Brady hadn’t been cheated in some sort of Miami-rivalry conspiracy like Abby had assumed. This is only week six, and it’s all already beyond crazy.
Abby thought that Joanne claimed “the sun rises and sets on her child,” all because Gianina beat Brady (drink!), but we all know it’s a fact that Joanne has thought that since long before her kid happened to pull off a winning solo performance.
Three days of drinking before competition!
Because the Dance Moms 8×06 group dance was all about some widows who maybe weren’t as sad about their husband’s deaths as they let on, Abby Lee Miller spent some time educating the ALDC about how funerals work. Remember, kids: You won’t have any flowers if nobody likes you!
Rather than worrying about the choreography, though, everyone was talking about…Brady.
Pressley Hosbach was worried about Abby being in a bad mood because her favorite (Brady—drink!) wasn’t there; but her mom was excited for the girls to get more attention. Meanwhile, pretty much everyone was in agreement that Abby would blame the lack of Brady if the ALDC didn’t continue their winning streak.
And another word from our sponsors at Abby’s Brady Farrar fan club:
You don’t have Brady to camouflage you.
Here’s what the team should have been worried about: Per Hannah Colin’s assessment, the group was “a hot mess” following rehearsals. Worry about yourselves, folks. Stop being so pressed on a kid that isn’t even there.
To her credit, Pressley Hosbach was at least smart enough to worry that Abby Lee Miller might put her in a coffin if she didn’t do “good.”
(It’s well. Well. Why don’t children learn the difference between adjectives and adverbs anymore???)
Pressley probably didn’t have much to worry about, though: When she wasn’t busy missing Brady Farrar (as did we all…and drink!), Abby was giving Lilliana Ketchman a lot of corrections. At one point, she even threatened to put Lilly’s future with the ALDC in a coffin if she made a single mistake on stage. Lilly took Abby’s ultimatum “serious.”
(It’s seriously. SeriousLY. Why don’t children learn the difference between adjectives and adverbs anymore???)
…seriously enough that, at one point, she rattled off every step—complete with Abby’s preferred style for it—that she’d need to perform in the group dance. I’ve had teachers tell me that if I can say it, I can do it; so, either Lilly was ready to murder that group dance or she was having a major glitch.
For examples on how to mourn the potential loss of Lilly, please see Abby’s group-rehearsal melodramatics and lessons on wailing.
And now a break from your regularly-scheduled Brady talk to
slam your heads into a wall until sweet oblivion comes discuss the soloists’ rehearsals.
Joanne Paolantonio makes me miss Jill Vertes; hell, I’d probably even take Crappy Apple Cathy over her. My God. Can we just…We get it. You’re proud of your kid. She has accomplished great things!
NOW SHUT UP ABOUT IT.
Or, at least, don’t be on Dance Moms. Honestly, if we’re going to have to sit through every episode of Dance Moms season 8, hearing about Gianina Paolantonio’s Broadway history and sitting through constant disparagement of every style Gianina doesn’t like…
I already said this last time Team Cat Ears threw a tantrum about jazz, but that garbage is so beyond disrespectful. Also, if your kid can’t, as Abby put it, “be the ‘it’ dancer, who can do any dance,” then shut up about how she’s the best forever.
Joanne actually trashed her daughter’s solo as “talent show” quality, and that was after saying Abby needed her butt smacked. Just, like, don’t join the cast of Dance Moms if that’s how you (somewhat legitimately, on the Abby-smacking front—sometimes) feel? It’s not like anything is new here???
We are not funny ha-ha competition people.
Ok but you’re not competitive people at all so far, so.
Ann Colin brought up an interesting point, which some of the other dance moms echoed: Was Joanne maybe just proactively making excuses for in case Gianina didn’t do well at the competition? Hm.
I want to strip Snooki off Gia and let Gia be Gia.
Actual valid points, especially considering the whole Italian-American, also from Jersey, thing. Too bad those bits were buried underneath all of the elitist nonsense!
Somewhere lost in the Dance Moms 8×06 shuffle, Sarah Georgiana was preparing her own solo. Abby kept pointing out how much potential Sarah had, which was an interesting change from her “your kid sucks” moment with Michelle weeks before.
Also interesting: Apparently, Sarah’s dad basically never watches her dance? Trash. I mean, if it causes problems in your marriage to support your kid’s dream, then bye to him.
The dressing room nightmare.
Before Abby even “rolled up,” as Joanne would put it, Team Cat Ears was planning yet another bitching session about the whole Snooki solo fiasco. And Abby came prepared.
First off, she handed Sarah Georgiana the world’s ugliest wig—which, to be honest, was perfect for the Mary Lou Retton character. Unlike Gianina and Joanne, Sarah and Michelle were just grateful to have a solo, hideous wig and all. Hell, Sarah even showed off the cheesy-ass Mary Lou salute and grin that Abby had asked her to study. (And she stuck it.)
When it was Gianina’s turn to get some props, though, the usual Abby Lee Drama broke loose. Abby started blowing bubbles to mock Snooki, and some got stuck in her wig (oops). Off Joanne’s “karma’s a bitch” snark, Abby asked her to please not swear in front of the children (as if they haven’t seen and heard worse on Dance Moms).
When Joanne started throwing a fit about the fuzzy slippers in Abby’s bag o’ trolling, Abby decided she’d had enough. The collateral damage? Gianina’s solo was scratched. The kid, for her part, tried to politely ask if she could still listen to Abby and do her solo. But as we all know, once Ms. Miller’s mind is made up, you’re done.
It’s over. It’s done. I don’t want to hear her mouth anymore today.
Side note: I don’t want to hear her mouth anymore, ever.
After some “told you so” smugness from Veteran Mom Stacey Ketchman and Joanne telling Ashley Hosbach to just sit there and look pretty, it was time for
some solos a solo!
The solo solo.
Shoutout to Sarah’s dad showing up in his very manly puffy vest and awkwardly having a moment with the wife/mother of his child.
“America’s Sweetheart,” acro solo performed by Sarah Georgiana. Ok, so. That front foot needs to be stretched more in every single leap; and in general, she’s losing the tail end of her toes in the stretch. The character, on the other hand? A perfect 10…right up until that very visible mistake on the back tuck. No worries, though, Sarah: If you wanted to do that same sloppy landing at certain NCAA schools, you’d still get a massive score.
The kids: That was pretty good.
Sarah: No, that was bad.
Me: Weird mix of both!
Result: 3rd place. Actually not a disaster, considering. Most importantly, Sarah felt “really special” because her father actually deigned to show up and support her.
The ALDC gets buried.
After solos Sarah’s solo, it was back to the dressing room for the ALDC. Abby’s last-minute pep talk? Guess.
Nobody is going to look at Brady. He’s not there!
…you got it! Drink!
“Widows,” contemporary ALDC group dance. So, that “mourning” part of the dance could have used some true contractions, rather than the kids just kind of folding in half. On the other hand, Lilliana Ketchman was gorgeous throughout. She absolutely nailed the quick character change; her feet were gorgeous; and she proved, yet again, that she can be a true leader for this team. The group’s spacing was also better than it has been in some earlier weeks…But Abby saw a lot of mistakes. The one that I picked up on was Gianina’s sloppy knee in the a la seconde part of one of the turn sequences; but I was too busy watching Lilly to care about much else. Anyone got some corrections? Hit up the comments. Result: 4th place. I guess the ALDC really can’t survive without Brady Farrar.
AND. HERE. WE. GO. Back in the dressing room, Abby Lee Miller read the team the riot act and pointed out all sorts of timing errors. But then, she dropped the biggest bomb of Dance Moms 8×06 (and possibly the biggest, yet least surprising because of these here spoilers, news of Dance Moms season 8).
Remember when I said earlier in this Dance Moms 8×06 recap that Lilliana Ketchman was my second favorite adopted daughter? Well. The ALDC is giving me back my number one favorite starting next week! The technique! The sass! The total package!
The Elliana Walmsley.
Unfortunately, none of the dance moms were anywhere near as excited as yours truly. For Stacey Ketchman, it might have had something to do with. Um.
And also this.
She’s, like, psychotic. It’s not just that she choked me; it’s that she makes you insane.
I don’t care how crazy Yolanda is; we will forever stan Elliana Walmsley. Next.
For the rest of the moms, including Erin Kristich, the lack of enthusiasm for Ellie’s return had a lot more to do with Ellie herself than with Yolanda’s crazy ass.
Jealousy is a thing, and when someone beats your kid (and 2983743 others) for Best Dancer at The Dance Awards, you can’t help but fall into the envy trap. (Let’s not look at Elliana’s instagram to see how well she gets along with Savannah, though. And definitely don’t check out YouTube to see Stacey and Yolanda getting along during Lilly and Ellie’s photo shoot with Jordan Matter. I lied. Click here. Do it.)
Lilly wasn’t sure if Ellie could help the team or not, but she knew she’d be happy to see her friend again either way.
Maybe Yolanda isn’t my favorite person ever, but I still like Elliana.
The kid gets me.
Joanne Paolantonio’s advice was to “keep crazy close,” but as Stacey (once again) reminded us:
I kept crazy close. It ended with my neck in her hands.
Is Stacey’s neck safe in Dance Moms season 8? Can Elliana Walmsley save this team? Will our livers recover from the Brady Farrar Mention Drinking Game? Check back next week to find out!
Dance Moms airs on Tuesdays at 9/8c on Lifetime.