2017 has been what we here at Writes of the Roundtable would politely call a year of trash. In looking back, there are so many awful things that have happened — both in entertainment and real life — that we don’t even know where to start (much less end) with trying to make sense of it all. But, just so we can fit in with the cool kids and offer up our own 2017 year in review piece, here are our thoughts on the worst of the worst in entertainment and humanity. If only we could have actually canceled it all.
Ok, first up: What was the absolute worst shows you watched this year? They could be the worst new series, the worst episodes, or just something that horribly disappointed you.
Anam: Still Star-Crossed was by far the most ludicrous thing I saw all year. The fact that this show was under the Shondaland umbrella and they fell SOOOOO far off is insane. Shonda Rhimes is the woman who managed four hit shows within a decade. She’s a freaking genius and always produces quality work. This was just beyond stupid. Ain’t nobody care about wtf happened after Romeo and Juliet canked. I couldn’t even make it through the whole thing — it was that bad. The network should have used the budget from this towards The Catch, which, sadly, saw its end far too soon.
As far as worst episodes/scenes/whatever…Once Upon a Time takes home the gold here with their recycled magical rape storyline in the midst of the biggest reckoning happening in the world regarding sexual harassment and assault. Way to go, guys. More info here.
Brittany: I would have to say Marvel’s Inhumans is one of the worst of the year. Marvel has proven with its Netflix Originals, like Daredevil and Jessica Jones, that they are capable of creating some really amazing television. Hopefully, they will find the right formula for a network show.
While I am, overall, pretty happy with Once Upon a Time’s latest season, I would be remiss if I did not mention how very disappointed I was with the direction that their writers took in creating Hook’s daughter, Alice. Not that they made her, but how they made her. They have not learned from their past mistakes and used the same horrifyingly manipulative trope they used with Graham and Robin. Do better, OUAT.
Shana: Oh, God. I totally forgot Still Star-Crossed was even a thing, but wow, I loved “discussing” that pilot with friends. Honestly, for me, the biggest television disappointment of the year was Suits season 7. It brought with it the total destruction and degradation of Paula Agard — from an actual, professional therapist to just someone for Harvey Specter to suddenly be “in love” with — and the waste of several years’ worth of development and sexual tension on top of that.
I would also like to add an additional cancellation to the DCTV crossover, which somehow got otherwise intelligent people talking about how “hot” and “badass” Nazi versions of their favorite superheroes were. Slow clap. Looks like all of my fears about how gross the whole business would be were 100% validated, and there were unnecessary cross-show ship wars created, too. Way to go, guys!
Luci: I’d say that most of the DCTV shows were just awful in the first semester. Season 5 of Arrow and Season 3 of The Flash were some of the worst things to grace our TVs this year — to the point that I just gave up on them for a while. And we’re talking about two of my favorite shows here, so it definitely hurt.
Other than that, I was just monumentally disappointed that they decided to continue Once Upon a Time, even after most of the cast didn’t get their contracts renewed. OUAT was one of my very favorite shows — and I had been on board since day one — but when Jennifer Morrison announced she wasn’t coming back and then the powers that be decided to axe over half of the cast, that was when I said goodbye. I know it’s been a 50/50 thing on this new season, but I have zero interest in it now. So that’s 100% canceled for me.
Lizzie: I wish this was a short list. Marvel’s Inhumans was unwatchable. Still Star-Crossed (which I actually sorta enjoyed, as cheesy as it was) was high quality TV next to it. DCTV had NAZIS in their freaking crossover. Never getting over that one. Arrow Season 5 was a travesty I might never recover from. Like Luci, I canceled Once Upon a Time because without Jen, I didn’t see a point. (I can still agree with Anam about the OUAT writers needing a dictionary, some common sense and a touch of empathy because boy, do they not know what consent is). Powerless could have been fun; instead, it was terrible. And then there was Marvel’s Iron Fist, quite possibly the biggest waste of time of my life.
What were 2017’s shittiest movies?
Anam: Hands down: Dirty Dancing. You have to be really cocky to attempt to redo Patrick Swayze. The hour that I did watch was utter rubbish. I had to turn it off and then find the original to watch. Whoever thought this was a good idea should never be allowed to pitch ideas ever again.
Brittany: 2017 was a year of some truly spectacular movies. There were also some really, really terrible ones.
Taking shitty to an all new level is The Emoji Movie. Screen Junkies called this “Taco Bell through a human centipede” and cast Sir Patrick Stewart as a poo emoji. I think that sums it up quite nicely. Skip this one and watch Toy Story again.
It breaks my heart to put Justice League on this list. This movie should have been incredible. The cast did a great job with what they were given, but even Superman Ex Machina couldn’t save it. I was more excited about seeing Deathstroke in the post-credits scene than anything else in the entire film.
The third worst movie, to me, is The Mummy. This was an attempted franchise reboot. At least, I think it was. It should have been left buried in the sand. Am I the only person that does not care for Tom Cruise in action roles?
Ghost in the Shell was an attempt to capitalize on the popular anime and manga, without any kind of understanding as to what made it popular to begin with. It is incredibly boring.
Finally, I know I will get some criticism for this, but I am also going to say mother! is a pretty shitty movie. This is an art film that should never have been released as a major motion picture, and marketed as a horror flick. I appreciate the symbolism and the point that the director is trying to make, but honestly that is not the kind of thing I want to get from my movies.
Shana: I absolutely agree with Anam on that godawful Dirty Dancing remake that ABC did. The only good thing that it brought us was a delightfully hilarious experience on twitter, as everyone was dragging the shit out of it.
Other than that, I’m just going to put out a blanket statement that any movie involving Johnny Depp, Jared Leto, Harvey Weinstein, Woody Allen, etc. should never have been made…Well, you’re probably starting to get my drift, and um…We’re onto our last, and best, question!
Lizzie: I tend to avoid bad movies and trust my friends, so I’m gonna say Justice League just because I feel dirty having watched something Ben Affleck is in.
And here’s what we’ve all been waiting for: The worst humans of the year. Go!
Anam: There were too many. 2017 surely was a year of pure crap being thrown into a blender and ruining everything. The past few months alone, every day another person gets put on the canceled list…Who do I start with?
There’s J.K. Rowling and her moronic statement regarding her decision to keep wife-beater Johnny Depp in a major role in her latest movie. Seriously, Rowling, I looked up to you when I was growing up. I’m sure part of my love for writing came from spending my childhood with my nose in Harry Potter and learning lessons that still come into play today; and you had the audacity to write a half-assed statement that basically said you’d overlook the wife-beating and keep the moron? Screw you. Then there’s Kate Winslet who still insists she’s all about girl power until the person on the hot seat is a friend of hers…
Brittany: I really don’t like to feel like I am pushing my political opinions on others, but this meme really sums up my feelings about Trump and his elected cabinet:
Mark Twain is famously quoted in saying, “Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and supporting your government when it deserves it.” The rank arrogance and vitriol displayed by the president and his cabinet has turned the U.S. government into a circus act.
The next worst people, I would say, would be Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein — for obvious reasons. I would also like to cast a hatred vote for Martin Shkreli. His smarmy grin and absolute disregard for the value and dignity of human life makes me physically ill.
Here’s to a better year in 2018. Let us rise from the ashes of terrible politics and boring media into a phoenix of superheros and social justice. Cheers!
Shana: Donald Trump. Mike “Shock the Gay Away and Hide From Women Because Jesus” Pence. Mitch McConnell. Paul Ryan. Betsy DeVos and her bullshit about bears in schools. Every single GOP coward and crook supporting their agenda, even knowing that their constituents do not want it and will be devastated by the results of things like their tax scam or their gleefully trying to take away healthcare at every turn.
And Bernie Sanders? Fuck you, too.
And to every single coward, loving their NRA paychecks and only offering “thoughts and prayers” after every mass shooting? You’re all mostly in the first category…But fuck you again.
And then, of course, we have J.K. Rowling, for mentioning in her statement re: Johnny Depp that she was “happy” to work with him.
…happy. To work with a wife-beater, who was caught on tape.
All the trashy Hollywood men, media men, non-famous dudes in other industries who will never be called out: Y’all have always been trash, but 2017 has at least been good for dragging your nasty shit to the surface and exposing it. (When’s the Jared Leto call-out article coming out, though?????)
To the white women who still overwhelmingly voted for Roy Moore, a child predator, because — you know, “family values” republicans or “pro-life” or whatever else their bullshit excuse was — you, and people like you who did this to us with Trump, are purely the fucking worst. There is a special place in hell for you, so take those “Christian values” or “conservative values” — whatever garbage you want to put before the word “values,” which you don’t have anyway — and shove them up your asses. Even with everything going on in the media with men finally being called to task, you get the massive Fuck You of the Year Award from yours truly.
Oh, and I’m eternally here to punch a Nazi. The end.
Luci: I’m with Anam here. Of course, we have the widely-known scum of the Earth, like Harvey Weinstein, Andrew Kreisberg and Donald Trump — just to mention a few — but the ones that really disappointed me were J.K. Rowling and Kate Winslet. Both of them were my childhood heroes — especially Rowling. Harry Potter has been such a major part of my life for nearly twenty years now. It’s of the reason I am a writer; and I love magic, fantasy and all that good stuff because Rowling inspired me to do it.
And then to have her defend Johnny Depp’s casting choice and sticking with him, knowing what he’s done, it just makes me sick. This was someone I admired so, so much, and I just feel like a little part of my childhood died when I heard about this.
Other than those shiny examples, all the Hollywood scum accused of sexual assault. Donald Trump, for being a total ass hat and spoiled little child who has absolutely no idea what he’s doing. Brazilian politicians in general (don’t even get me started on that), who have essentially bankrupted the country.
2017 was just a shitty year. Here’s hoping 2018 is slightly better.
Lizzie: Not sure anyone deserves this more than Trump, and like, the whole of the Republican party. But we all agree on that. I was, like everyone here, immensely disappointed with J.K. Rowling’s decision to choose easy over right when it came to the Depp casting situation, and with Kate Winslet and others who’ve been tepid allies to the #MeToo movement. But I gotta give this to Harvey Weinstein, Andrew Kreisberg and the men like Ben Affleck and Matt Damon who perpetuate a culture where being a woman is 200 times harder than it should be. May this really be the reckoning they deserve.